I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
