Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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