He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
