Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize