Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
