Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
