We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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