dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
