I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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