this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
