I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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