Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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