This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Soap is not a condiment
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
