Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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