I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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