I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
