Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
