We won't sleep together?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
