Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
