happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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