It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
