we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
