but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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