last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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