dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
