what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
