The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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