im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
