Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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