It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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