It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
