Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
