the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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