covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
