I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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