He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
