I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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