How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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