Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
