i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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