Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
