Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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