Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
