Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize