So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
