Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
