well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
