A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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