so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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