Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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