Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
