Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Send help, water and tortillas.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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