Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Watching her eat just hurts me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
