I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
