he thought i was a dude.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
