Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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