That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
