dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
