My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
