So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
