We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
