I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize