ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
