420 ftw
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
