He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
