literally had 100 drinks last night.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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