Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
