Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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