we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
