You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
