do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
