I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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