Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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