Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
