I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
