I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
