i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
