Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
