Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
