i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
