she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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