So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE