He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
