My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.