i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home