A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
lets start a swedish sibling band together
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...