I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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